Happy? Birthday to me

Today is my 33rd birthday. Yesterday was rough with emotion, yesterday evening I had a massive headache coming on, by last night I had taken a dose and a half of medicine for it. I woke up this morning with it not much better, and took 600mg of Motrin hoping that will calm it down. It didn't help that the kids woke earlier than usual and were already being noisy in the living room (next to our room) instead of their own rooms across the house. In a little while we'll be getting ready and the kids and I will head to my parent's house. Mom has an appt for a colonoscopy at 1:30, and dad is keeping the kids. Mom said we'd be there for two hours, I think I'll take the laptop and get some digiscrapping done ;o)

I've been praying a lot lately for the Lord to give me wisdom. Beyond that, knowledge and understanding. (I've spent a lot of time in Proverbs lately). I've been very uneasy about homeschooling. I'd always said that if my kids could not go to private school (the one associated with our church) that we would home school. It occurred to me last school year that we cannot go another year struggling the way we have, because Jackson knew what was going on. He knew we were always behind on it. But you see, without going into detail, it's been a struggle for me because it has been my desire for YEARS that we go by a written budget. We don't, and it is not my decision. I am not "in charge" of our bills, I carry no responsibility in that arena because I have no say in what goes where and when. I smile and nod. This is where our lives have come to. You see, when two cannot work together as one for a common purpose, then to avoid further strife in the relationship, "one", should carry the burden of getting it done.

Of course that avoids regular, daily strife, but it does not avoid the consequences of what that kind of arrangement does to the relationship. When one in a relationship refuses to listen to and consider wisdom offered by the other person in the relationship, is it really a relationship? or a dictatorship? Just how far should we go in that "live by faith and not by sight" scripture? Because that is the story of my life- living by faith. Waiting for the Lord to move in our lives where we, as a couple, do things together, responsibly, in a godly manner. I have so much financial wisdom in my head, shoot that might be why it hurts half of the time because it wants out of my head and no one around me (ahem) will receive it genuinely. Sure, it's been offered that I "take it", but I don't want it (total financial responsibility)- we've done that, it does not work! In our situation, something will always happen to screw things up. So what am I left with? I smile, and nod.

So I'm faced with the decisions about school. My kids love their school. They love their teachers, the environment, they feel safe there. I am comfortable with them being there. Yet I had to sit down and explain to them at the end of the school year that we'd be homeschooling. Jackson was ok with that because it kept him from public school, which is really, lets be honest, made to look like the pit of hell when it's spoken of in our church environment. (that's another topic to be addressed later, I don't believe that impression is meant to be made necessarily). Hannah did not understand the concept and we haven't really talked a whole lot about it. I figured when we started, she's understand. But in the past week I've been working in finding the curriculum, calculating the costs and such. Then we got our school bill in the mail, and I opened it.

We owe twice as much to the school, as it would cost us to home school. I had no idea it was that behind :o( How can we bypass paying the school and purchasing home school supplies? I mean, I was even wondering HOW we were going to purchase the home school supplies knowing how much that would be. Then again, I wonder each month if the power is going to be paid on time. I quit opening the bill because it boggled me on why or how we could be behind on it to begin with.

So what would wisdom say? I know it would not be right to rob a bank and give it to the church to further God's Word. That's not right. So why would it be right not to give the first $home school supply amount$ to the school towards our balance? We cannot do that! We are now *in debt*, basically. So yesterday, as heavy as my heart was, I made the decision (because it was mine to make, he is of the 'whatever' mindset). Fortunately, there is a charter school about a half a mile from our house. I've heard good things about it.

It's the "anti" of my biggest beef with public schools today, lack of parental involvement and teachers having to be too many things to the students and not able to teach. One of the school's focuses is- parental involvement. They encourage parents to sit in the classrooms and be involved. They even have parents sign a contract committing to being involved. The big thing with this school is, there are only so many they allow to be enrolled, and, well, it was July 29th with school slated to start August 20th, weeelll .... and their website said they worked off of a lottery system for excess applications.

So the kids and I went for a walk yesterday (since J had my car and we don't have a second one right now.) Jackson (rising 4th grader) was very apprehensive and we discussed the differences on the way up there. Hannah (rising 1st grader) screamed, wailed and cried. She moaned the whole way up there. She liked their playground though ;o) Jackson and I prayed that if it was indeed the Lord's will that he would open the doors of opportunity for us. Low and behold, we got there at 1:30, and they closed at 12:30! There was a number on the door for the admissions officer, so I called and left a message. She called me back around 3pm. There was an opening for Jackson, and we would know about Hannah [today].

She said they had a LOT of children being pulled from their school as a result of the high gas prices. I'm not sure about other states, but here charter schools do not have bus services, and anyone from any district can enroll. I dealt with a mom from freecycle that had her kids there and she drove about 25 minutes one way to bring her kids to school there. :-O She said she would be culling the list this morning and if I done their app's online they'd be waiting on her first thing this morning. As of yesterday Hannah was 16th on the list but she acted like that wasn't a big deal. I was relieved. Sad we were having to do it, but if we had to do it, I was glad the kids would be able to attend this school and not the other surrounding ones that OY ... this school in their report card scored 10 points higher on their test scores than either of the other two schools the kids are eligible for. Thank God he has us living where we live. Thank God for high gas prices- otherwise I don't think they'd have these openings!

There's another benefit: they wear uniforms. THANK YOU JESUS!! Jackson is none too happy about that but Hannah is ok. She said she did not care if she was going to public school she was NOT wearing pants! So there ya go, lol Gymboree has some sweet uniform styles that are on sale now too so I'm ok with that. The lady is supposed to call me this morning to let me know about Hannah's status.

It's ironic I stated the other day that I think parents who have their children in public schools have to work that much harder to ensure their children are ready spiritually for the things they will face in that setting verses private school or homeschooling. I guess I am accepting that challenge. It occurred to me last night we could still order the Bible materials we were going to, and work with the kids with a "bible class" at home. That could serve as our daily devotion, ya know?

I have peace that this is the right thing to do for our situation. I also have peace that children who go to public school CAN turn out for the Lord and live for the Lord while they're young. I have a very good example in a friend I have been watching for years. As parents we do the best we can by our children, but there are times we have to trust in the Lord in ALL our ways, and let HIM direct our paths. That being said, this decision has brought clarity on another decision I have been facing, too- to PTL (I'll let you know about that when the time is right).

So while I'm at peace with this, that does not mean I am happy with the situation. The kids are going to public school as a consequence for the folly that is in our home, plain and simple. There's nothing I can do about it, and because of that, I am trying not to become bitter. Please continue to pray for us in this regard.

What are we doing for my birthday? Well I'm taking mom to the doctor, and when we get back the kids, dad and I are going to Chick Fil A for dinner for my birthday. That way the kids get to play and we can have peace while eating, LOL oh! and I'll get a cookies and cream milkshake, have you had one? They're awesome.