Wednesday's chatter

Today has not started out well. I woke up later than I should have. Usually when I wake up later I'm still not in a bad mood. I guess I didn't sleep well last night. I don't know, I don't remember anything. I do know that I feel rough, my neck is very tense like a headache is coming on, I am overwhelmed, period. I am very unsettled. very. I'm starting to feel conflicted as to whether I really need to be homeschooling this year. I'm wondering if it is really the best decision for our family, right now. Jay has made it clear that it will be "my thing", and you know, .... I'm just not that sure that I can emotionally tackle those things of responsibilities.

I'm full of fear right now. If they go to public schools, which, the one two tenths of a mile from our school has a very good reputation but I don't know if I could get them in there or not- but I worry with the differing curriculums, if they won't fall back in their educations. I don't believe in after-schooling, six hours plus homework is enough. I just don't kow. I mean, we do NOT have the money to purchase their curriculums, who am I kidding? I have to practically beg for grocery money through logic each week. When I think of our financial situation, I just feel sick. Maybe this is why my headaches are coming back so frequently?

As for my to do list today, I will be happy to finish what I started yesterday. What's left is in red:

* finish Jackson's bedclothes (comforters, sheets, pillow cases ...)
* Put away the clean dishes and wash what's in the sink (not much)
* Wash the dirty dishes after dinner (as so to not have as much in the morning)
* Straighten the livingroom, try to get rid of some folding chairs that were left from the week of the baby's funeral that have become "catch all's". This means putting everything piled up on them away, too.
* Continue decluttering "my corner" of our bedroom. It has become a "catch all" for winter clothes. I'm trying to get all the winter clothes in one spot, soooo ....
* Find recipes for marinating raw green beans.
* Find the best way to freeze green beans.
* Find a good way to store homemade pickles.
* Write out all of the groceries I have to work on my grocery exile.
* Fill out the letter of intent to the state to homeschool the kids.
* Figure out how we are going to buy our curriculums, and how much longer I have before I need to order them- what my deadline is.

But for now, I think I'll just go cry ...