The resignation post

NOTE: Please read this post first, it was intended to show before this one but I can't make it, LOL!!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

This is a copy of the post I made when I resigned as leader of the forum I have led for the past seven years. When I started on this board I was a baby Christian, though saved for a few years- but had not grown in the Lord. The Lord used this board to bring greatest revivals and growth spurts spiritually, in my walk with him. I belong to a WONDERFUL bible preaching & teaching church, and it went perfectly hand in hand.
---------------------------------------------------
Last March I had a huge post written. I held on to it. I was not ready. But for the past seven years I have been a leader on this board, I've always kept it in prayer, for the Lord to let me know when it was time to hang up my hat. I come to terms with it back in February, that it might be time. I wrote the post in March, late March. The baby died a couple of weeks later.For the past two months I have been in a hole. A pit. Was it the grief? Or was it just severe depression as a result of my grief? I don't know. I do know, I had no desire to get out of bed. and mainly, I didn't.

For the past couple, three weeks, I've started getting out of bed again. That's big. My relationship with the Lord has struggled. He's been here, giving me my space. Always walking two steps behind me, ready to catch me when I was weak and falling.I'll be honest here. Last fall there was an "episode" that happened here, and I walked away from that not the same. That was when I started praying hard. I don't know life separate from this board. SEVEN years. That is half of my relationship with Jay, OVER half of my marriage. My FAMILY is here. But the Lord told me something in that "episode"- he said it would happen again. I would feel that way again. I knew if he said it, it was true. I just chose to ignore it, apparently.Then I chose not to post the post in March. I got so "busy" with "life", I put off obeying the Lord.

Then we lost the baby. Then I went into my (moreso physical) depression / grief coma. Then I woke up- and last week, it happened, again. I felt "that way" again. The hurt, the frustration, the shock that the things that were said, were said. I went to bed that night, determined to walk on past it and "leddigo". Then the second wave of hurt come in, the next morning.You know I spent that whole day in pain. Hurt. Frustrated. Crying. Anger. Then as I was on the phone with a loved one that I knew could talk me down, the Lord spoke. "Wendy, I told you so ..." .

I believe, last fall, the Lord knew I would not have the guts to post that post. Looking back, had I obeyed and posted the post, what happened last week, probably would not have happened. But it did, and here I am.I could rehash what happened last week, but I won't (here) ... because the Lord brought me to the verse from Joseph-"... but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive." -- Genesis 50:20

He used that verse to show me he used what happened last week to get me to a point of "doing" instead of "thinking". "Delayed obedience, is disobedience."

I can't do this anymore, this is not what the Lord is calling me to do.So after this week, I will no longer be a CL on this board. It has been a wonderful seven years, but the Lord is bringing me to another chapter of my life, and my time needs to be focused elsewhere. I will be blogging, a lot. I plan on offering a supscription service so updates can be sent straight to email for anyone who would like to keep up.I'll be around, but it won't be near as much.

I still plan to maintain CFLNews. After much contemplating over the past week, I've also decided to start fresh here with a new name, too. He pressed on my heart using any of my other names here, where there are existing post counts, I would be holding onto the past. I need to look to the future. My kids need more of me than what I have been able to offer them. Jay needs more of me. I need to move closer to them, and to the Lord. So, that shall I do ;o)

I love you all, and count myself blessed having gotten to know each of you and have you in my life. I decided three years ago, if I have another baby girl, she will be named after one of you. That's already in stone- that's how much you mean to me.I could keep rambling, but I'll leave with this. Even writing one of the hardest posts I've ever had to write, The Lord brings comfort. Hannah brings me her worksheet for church tomorrow night, and it's about "precious possessions".

There's a frame, and she is to draw something that means a lot to her. The bottom says this-"If you had to give up a "precious possession", in order to serve God, could you do it? Think of people you know who serve God in one way or another. What does it cost them to serve and follow God?"

Well, this is in my "frame"-

Originally posted July 1, 2008